Why Do I Hate My Family and What Should I Do?

A family of four at the table thinking I hate my family.

There is no such thing as a perfect family. Just as all human beings are unique and flawed, every family is complex and sometimes difficult. 

 

For some, family relationships are a source of pain and heartache. 

 

Though we are all raised to believe family comes first, sometimes our loved ones are detrimental to our well-being. This is especially true if you’ve grown up in a toxic household or have experienced trauma at some point in your life

 

Hating your family doesn’t make you a bad person unworthy of love and respect. 

 

However, to set healthy boundaries, you must first evaluate and identify where these emotions are coming from in the first place. That way, you can learn (or re-learn) self-love and build healthy relationships in and outside of your family.

 

In this article, we’ll go over some common toxic traits in families, why you may hate your family, and how to create and maintain a healthy distance if needed.

Is My Family Toxic? How Can I Tell?

It can be difficult to identify, much less accept, a toxic family life. This is especially true when it’s all we know. 

 

Our family members are meant to be the people we can rely on during hard times, from whom we can expect unconditional love and support—and this may still be true, even in the face of complicated relationships. However, no amount of love, respect, or duty justifies bad behavior or abuse.

 

Whether you’re embroiled in family drama or spending less time at home, here are a few signs to look out for that may indicate your family is toxic.

 

Sign: You don’t enjoy being around them or their company.

When a volatile family member is present, you may feel uncomfortable or agitated. You have trouble relaxing around them and try to maintain a physical or emotional distance, even when they’re being nice or affectionate.

 

Sign: You don’t spend much time together as a family.

“Family time” doesn’t exist in your home. Or if it does, it’s rare and feels awkward, perhaps forced. When you do spend time together, fights break out. Although not every family can get along 24/7, a complete lack of quality time makes for an emotionally distant family.

 

Sign: They put you down, and you’re constantly being criticized.

Families can be our greatest source of self-judgment. However, there is a big difference between unwanted opinions and blatant disrespect. No matter how well-meaning someone’s intentions are, harsh and unnecessary comments are always that—harsh and unnecessary. 

 

Sign: You feel like you are rebelling or avoiding them.

To cope with toxic home life, you may try to maintain a physical or emotional distance and act out of character. To do this, you unconsciously or consciously spend as little time as possible with your family. You may stay in your room all day, leave the house frequently, break curfew, or do things you know will upset them.

 

Sign: There’s substance use involved.

Drugs and alcohol do not inherently make someone belligerent. However, alcohol lowers inhibitions, leading to choices a person would never make while sober. This includes inappropriate comments and, sometimes, physical violence. Drug use also facilitates aggressive or out-of-character behavior that may make you feel uncomfortable or unsafe. Substance abuse often goes hand-in-hand with harmful behavior, even if the toxic family member seems “better” the next day.

 

Why Do I Hate My Family?

Though it may feel shameful, hating your family doesn’t make you a bad parent, child, or sibling. 

 

Your hatred may be borne from a difficult situation, such as a death in the family or betrayed trust, and isn’t necessarily permanent. Alternatively, your feelings may be the result of years of fraught relations and conflicting personalities.

 

Whatever it may be, there is always a cause behind negative emotions. 

 

Here are some possible reasons to keep in mind while evaluating your feelings:

 

Reason: They don’t respect my boundaries and constantly push me around.

Just as you are entitled to your own life and hobbies, you are entitled to privacy and respect. This applies to parent-child relationships where emotional and physical boundaries are easily blurred under the pretense of discipline and protection. 

 

For example, it’s inappropriate for a parent to go through phones or belongings. It’s also unhealthy to be emotionally available to them 24/7. You were not born to be your parent’s best friend and should be able to function outside of that relationship.

 

Reason: We don’t share the same values and perspectives.

Differing beliefs often create tension within families. Though you may have been raised to think or act in a certain way, this is not the deciding factor on what you choose to support later on in life.

 

Reason: They neglect or avoid me and constantly leave me out of things.

A caregiver is not only meant to provide basic needs such as food and education but also love and attention. If a caregiver, or another family member, treats you poorly by neglecting your wants and needs, feelings of resentment and hatred can brew.

 

Reason: They put an enormous amount of pressure on me.

High expectations from parents can lead to stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem in children. This also affects adults, who grow up to become perfectionists and are highly critical of their self-worth.

 

Reason: They are emotionally and/or physically abusive.

Abuse is not limited to physical violence. Name-calling, throwing items, inappropriate sexual contact or comments, gaslighting, and controlling behavior are all forms of abuse.

 

If you experience or have experienced physical, verbal, psychological, or sexual abuse from family members, your negative emotions are the result of trauma.

 

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic violence and in need of help, please reach out to one of the crisis resources listed here.

 

How Do I Distance Myself in a Healthy Way?

It’s easy to tolerate bad behavior from family when it’s the norm. However, this does not give them the right to treat you with disrespect or unkindness.

 

If a toxic or abusive person is unable to make up or apologize for their past mistakes, the healthy decision is to create distance.

 

To do so, you must first set boundaries—with yourself and with loved ones. By setting boundaries, not only are you prioritizing your mental health, but you’re strengthening self-worth and managing realistic expectations. 

 

Here’s how to safely create and maintain distance with toxic family members:

 

Identify who is toxic and be aware of your triggers.

Constant fighting and gaslighting are all traits of a dysfunctional family. These traits may be caused by the actions of specific persons in the family. By identifying abusers and/or enablers, you can better understand the root of negative emotions, such as low esteem and self-hatred.

 

Seeking outside support can also be helpful. By working with Emote’s highly qualified and flexible mental health services, an online therapist or counselor will be able to help you identify triggers, manage emotions, and navigate volatile situations. 

 

Limit your time around them.

Spend as little time with them as possible. Family members may try to persuade or gaslight you into spending time with you but remember, you are not their property. You should not be forced to speak or see them if you don’t want to.

 

However, if you must see a potentially abusive family member, bring a close friend along with you or meet in a public space where they’re unlikely to act out. That way, you have more power in the situation.

 

Walk away from high-intensity situations.

Detachment isn’t easy, but sometimes, it’s necessary.

 

By practicing emotional detachment, you’re less likely to be reeled into family drama. Present yourself as calmly as possible and speak in a calm voice. As soon as you can, simply walk away. 

 

Although this may irritate or anger them, you’re setting a clear boundary on what you will and will not accept from them by refusing to participate in their bad behavior.

 

Cut off online communication channels (social media).

Create further distance with toxic family members by limiting contact online. To do so, you can block them on social media and change usernames and other relevant information. Disable the option for phone contacts to find you on social media.

 

If necessary, you can also change your phone number or block theirs to cut off contact entirely.

What Should I Do If I Hate My Family?

From a young age, we’re taught to accept the good and bad from family. Unfortunately, sometimes the bad outweighs the good, and we need to prioritize our needs before others.

 

Emote offers you the chance to not only work on yourself but to improve your well-being and cultivate healthy boundaries with a toxic family.

 

With the assistance of a qualified therapist, you can identify emotional triggers, learn how to distance yourself from toxic parents or siblings, and break cycles of abuse within your own family.

 

You’re also free to communicate privately. Through text or private video chat sessions, Emote’s secure chat system will fly under the radar and ensure ease of access, day or night.

 

Whatever your goal is, remember that Emote is a safe, non-judgemental space dedicated to helping you improve. With Emote, you’re not alone.

 

Start now and gain exclusive access to our flexible, affordable therapy services. Get matched with a therapist today, and your first week of therapy will only cost $35. Continue working with us, and you’ll gain access to our flexible subscription plans and personalized therapy experience.

I Hate Being a Mom: The Why and What To Do

A woman with her two kids thinking I hate being a mom.

I Hate Being a Mom Sometimes… Is That Okay? 

Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or on the career track, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise: Motherhood isn’t easy. 

 

You’re responsible for another human being who can’t always communicate their needs and throw tantrums to get their way. You not only have to manage your child’s welfare, but that of your home and finances. To add, if you’re a single mom, a lack of partner support means you have even less time to decompress.

 

Hating or resenting your children doesn’t mean you’re a bad mom. If anything, it means you’re human.

 

And much like the smaller human beings in your life, you can’t control how you feel. However, just as you soothe your child when they’re scared or upset, you also have to take care of your emotional well-being.

 

In this article, we’ll help you identify why you might be unhappy as a mother, how to address the issue, and how to get help if you need it.

Common Reasons Behind Unhappy Motherhood

If you’re going through a hard time, it’s normal to resent your situation or the circumstances that led up to it.

 

Mothering is no exception. 

 

By identifying your emotions and calling out a problem for what it is—a problem—you can take the first step towards a healthier, more manageable relationship with parenthood and your child.

 

To help you get started, here are few common reasons why you might be unhappy as a mother:

 

“I have no support or help.”

We like to think of moms as superheroes who can do everything on their own, but in reality, they can’t.

 

And that’s okay.

 

Without a stable support system, mothers are at risk of developing postpartum depression.

 

Affecting 1 in 8 women, mothers with PD struggle with intense emotions, like anger or helplessness. Feelings of isolation can worsen if you’re a first-time mom or single parent without access to resources or family members that can help out.

 

Mothers may also develop clinical depression due to lack of sleep, stress, and the mental toll of raising a child without support, whether physical, emotional, or financial. 

 

“I never wanted kids to begin with.”

It’s a difficult truth, but not every mom wanted to be a mother.

 

Some mothers are pressured into being a parent by cultural norms or familial expectations. Others fall unexpectedly pregnant.

 

Though this doesn’t make for a bad parent, it can lead to feelings of resentment or anger for a major life change you never wanted.

 

“My marriage or partnership is falling apart.” 

If two parents are involved, child-rearing is ideally done as a partnership. However, for women in heterosexual relationships, a majority of the childcare tends to fall on the mother, straining the relationship between her and the father. 

 

This can also happen with same-sex and non-gender-conforming couples, where one parent tends to be more responsible for childcare than the other.

 

A lack of sleep, money and alone time can further deepen the tension.

 

“I have no time to myself, and I’m losing my identity.”

Parenthood is a full-time job, especially if you have small children or children with special needs. You may long for your old lifestyle or the aspirations you had to give up to be a parent. Your sense of self can feel diminished or non-existent due to all your attention and time spent caring for your children.

 

“My child(ren) are really challenging and display disruptive or concerning behavior.”

Toddlers throw tantrums; teenagers curse and rebel. It’s a fact of life, but there’s a difference between acts of defiance that signify your child’s developing independence—and a disruptive behavior disorder.

 

A disruptive behavior disorder (DBD) is a mental health condition common amongst children. They’re not necessarily the result of bad parenting, but a genuine behavioral issue that can make parenting stressful and grueling without the help of a licensed counselor

 

“It’s causing me and my family financial problems.”

Raising a child isn’t only emotionally and physically demanding—it’s financially taxing. 

 

From diapers and formula to saving up for college tuition, wanting the best for your child takes its toll. Financial issues often strain a marriage, with unresolved disputes about money being more recurrent than any other marital issue.

 

“I don’t feel good enough and there’s a pressure to be perfect.”

On social media, mothers are portrayed as superheroes—infallible and unrealistic. 

 

Mothers can seemingly raise a house full of kids, maintain a career, keep a perfect figure, and stay happily in love with their spouse.

 

As a result, many mothers feel compelled to perform as parents. Combined with cultural or familial pressures, it’s easy to feel as though you are somehow failing as a mother by not painting a cookie-cutter image 24/7.

What Should I Do if I Hate Being a Mom?

Parenting is one of the hardest jobs out there, and it’s only made harder by silence, a lack of self-care, and, worst of all, mom guilt.

 

Though you can’t control your emotions, you can pause, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. By taking a moment to examine how you’re feeling, you can think of better ways to manage your emotions and the challenges of motherhood. 

 

Yes, when you open your eyes, your child will still be there—but so will you, a human being equally deserving of care.

 

To help you get started, here are a few suggestions on how to prioritize your needs:

 

Know you’re not alone

You’re not a bad person for feeling the way you do. Furthermore, you are neither alone nor unique in your situation; many moms have felt as you do.

 

Though mothers are idolized by society, motherhood is a complicated, messy thing. Not every mother is blissful or satisfied with motherhood, and there’s nothing shameful about that.

 

Ask for help from friends and family

Have you heard the phrase, “It takes a village to raise a child”? 

 

Though traditionally mothers are the heart of childcare, we often forget about the people around us who would be more than happy to help out.

 

Reach out to family and friends when you need a break or some help around the house. If none are close by, schedule time for a visit. 

 

Open up about how you’re feeling in whatever way you feel comfortable and ask for what you need. Be specific.

 

Schedule a “you-day” 

Whether you’re a stay-at-home mom or a working mom, alone time is a necessity, not a luxury. Give yourself a full day to focus on self-care, hobbies, or anything else you’d like to do.

 

You may call a babysitter over on the weekends, schedule a weekly playdate, or ask your partner to take over. Whatever you decide, try not to think about your kids or all the trouble they’ll get into. They’ll be just fine.

 

Stop comparing yourself to others

How other moms decide to parent will always differ from how you choose to. Accept that you’re doing your best. 

 

Whether that means sleeping in on Sundays, letting your kids eat junk food sometimes, or relying on others for help, what matters is you and your children’s continued welfare and happiness.

 

Give yourself permission to be imperfect

All good mothers make mistakes. Sometimes they lose their patience and raise their voice when they shouldn’t. Other times, they’re late to pick up their kids from school. It happens, and it’s okay.

 

Just remember that your child loves you unconditionally. They don’t need you to be perfect, and neither should anyone else. 

 

Get professional help and look for resources

Many women struggle with mental health issues, and those with children are no exception.

 

Women are more likely to develop an anxiety disorder compared to men and are susceptible to different types of depression, such as postpartum depression and perimenopausal depression.

 

Combined with the stress and emotional toll of child-rearing, mentally ill mothers may feel helpless and isolated—but they’re not.

 

Here at Emote, a trained professional is able to guide you through motherhood. And the best part is that it doesn’t have to cut into family life.

 

You’re free to schedule appointments from the comfort of your home or text your therapist during your lunch. Whatever the time, our virtual therapy office stays open.

Reclaim Your Joy with Emote Online Therapy

A lot of moms have felt the way you do—angry, frustrated, resentful. Raising a child is hard work, and it never stops. But that doesn’t mean it can’t get better.

 

Whether you’re a new mom with a one-year-old at home or a veteran with several teens under your belt, how you feel is real and valid, and you’re deserving of being heard

 

At Emote, we offer just that: an empathetic ear.

 

With the help of our highly qualified mental health professionals, a therapist or family counselor can help you develop skills to better handle motherhood or tackle issues like low self-esteem and negative thoughts.

 

Through convenient online therapy sessions, you cut out carpools, long waitlists, and short-notice babysitters. You can contact your therapist whenever you need them, through text or video.

 

With Emote, you’re not alone.

 

Start today and learn how to reclaim joy as a mother for only $35 during your first week of therapy. Check out our FAQ to learn more, or contact us for questions and concerns.

Does My Husband Hate Me? What to Look For and How to Fix It

A woman wondering why does my husband hate me.

No marriage is without its struggles, but sometimes, we can feel unloved or even hated by our spouse when things aren’t going well.

 

Whether based on fact or feeling, negative emotions need to be addressed. Be it through professional help or a long sit-down with your husband, you two must communicate.

 

However, before doing so, you also have to look inside yourself and ask where these feelings are coming from in the first place. 

 

Questions like “Why does my husband hate me?”, “Am I doing something wrong?”, or “Does he not love me anymore?” could be rooted in low self-esteem or the result of recent marital problems. They can also act as a guideline to unrealized issues.

 

It’s more than likely that your husband doesn’t hate you. However, that’s not to say there’s nothing wrong and that you should remain silent.

 

In this article, we’ll go over signs to look out for, reasons for your husband’s behavior, and how to get help.

Does My Husband Hate Me? The Signs to Look For

Every couple goes through hard times and ultimately, how your husband feels is out of your control. The same goes for his actions and how he chooses to handle confrontation and his emotions.

 

But persistent marital problems are more than just a “rough patch.” They can be signs of dissatisfaction or a lack of fulfillment in the marriage and may even indicate deeper issues like failing physical or mental health

 

Whatever the cause may be, if there’s a problem, it’s always worth looking deeper.

 

If you suspect some ill feelings and want to begin addressing issues with your husband, here a few warnings to look for:

 

He avoids you and is both physically and mentally absent.

Consciously or unconsciously avoiding your spouse is a form of stonewalling. By not discussing issues or even engaging in polite conversation, your husband is creating a mental and physical barrier that is neither helpful nor healthy.

 

He’s no longer affectionate and doesn’t want to be intimate.

Sexual and romantic needs come and go in any marriage, but a sudden or steady decline in physical intimacy is reasonable cause for worry. Depending on other factors like family, age, work, and kids, a happy marriage should at least foster warmth, love, and care.

 

He doesn’t notice or is indifferent to your absence.

Making a marriage work isn’t easy, but it’s harder when you feel invisible. This is especially true if your husband is a workaholic and his career takes precedence over not only your relationship—but everything else that matters

Alternatively, it may indicate that he’s a narcissist or has narcissistic tendencies and does not value your needs as highly as his own.

 

He forgets your birthday, anniversary, or other important days.

Forgetting a birthday or anniversary isn’t necessarily a deal-breaker. However, if you can’t remember the last time you celebrated an important day together, much less received an apology for a missed dinner date, it’s easy to feel neglected and unappreciated.

 

He refuses to get couples or marriage counseling.

There are many misconceptions about couples counseling and the good a marriage counselor can do—but outright refusing professional help when you need it the most will only make your marriage harder to fix.

 

He insults you and most conversations turn sour.

Sometimes, we lash out at the people we love the most and say things we don’t mean. But if conversations frequently turn hostile and your husband’s response is to insult or attack your character, this is considered verbal abuse and is never okay.

Be wary of this type of behavior. No one has the right to treat you cruelly, much less your husband.

 

You fight all the time.

Another red flag to look out for is constant fighting. You never seem to have normal conversations with your husband anymore, and both of you are almost always angry or upset.

If these fights ever turn physical and your husband hits, shoves, or grabs you, this is domestic violence and should never be tolerated. Likewise, if your husband uses these fights as an opportunity to put you down or gaslight you, this is a form of emotional abuse.

If you feel that you or anyone you know is in danger, do not hesitate to reach out to any one of the crisis resources listed here.

Reasons Why My Husband Might Hate Me 

There may have been a time where your husband was your best friend. You told each other everything and looked forward to nights alone. Now, you barely spend time together. He’s grown cold or short-tempered. This is understandably heartbreaking and difficult for you to wrap your head around.

 

But it doesn’t mean your husband doesn’t love you anymore.

 

In fact, there’s a chance something else is going on—perhaps something you haven’t considered before.

 

To understand why your husband is treating you differently, here are a few things to keep in mind that might explain his behavior:

 

He feels constantly criticized.

Your husband loves you, but he may feel constantly criticized or degraded by you. Whether you mean to or not, it’s easy to get wrapped up in your own feelings and neglect how your words and actions affect him.

 

You take him for granted.

Marriage is a two-way street, but we often slip into narratives that our spouse lives and breathes for us. Though you should certainly be a priority in his life, you should never take your husband for granted or devalue his sacrifices.

 

You don’t instigate sex or he doesn’t feel you’re attracted to him.

If you and your husband have been together a while, it’s natural for either of your libidos to degrade or fluctuate due to age or medical conditions. However, that won’t stop your husband from wondering if he’s still sexy or desirable. If there are obvious signs of distress or apprehension in the bedroom, consider seeking professional help to rediscover and rekindle a healthy flame.

 

He thinks you are “nagging” him too much about things he can’t control.

Sometimes, when we are unhappy or frustrated with a certain person or situation, we peck insistently at our spouses for every little thing they did or didn’t do to make it better. This especially goes for things he cannot control, like a child’s failing grades or trouble at work.

 

He feels he can’t live up to your expectations.

Your husband loves you so he wants to make you proud. Unfortunately, he may feel like a failure because he has not reached certain goals, is struggling financially, or is somehow a bad person and therefore unworthy of you. As a result, he may act out in a self-destructive or negative way.

What Should I Do? Can I Fix This?

Have you ever heard the saying, “the only way to move forward is through”?

 

This is true for any difficult situation, including a failing or unhappy marriage. Although you’ll need your husband’s participation in order to mend your relationship, it doesn’t hurt to take the first step alone so he can follow after. (You’ve already done so much by acknowledging your emotions and reading this guide!)

 

To begin healing your marriage, here are a few things you can try out:

 

Figure out what’s really bothering him and talk it out.

How do you know if your husband hates you? Simple. Ask him.

Better yet, ask him about what’s been going on in his head and how you can fix it together. You’re not a mind reader and neither is your spouse. 

Only through consistent communication and active listening can you learn how to move past anger and pain.

 

Put the family/children first.

At the end of the day, what really matters is our loved ones. Refocus your attention and start putting the kids first as partners. A troubled marriage can deeply affect a child and lead to emotional insecurity and poor grades.

If you don’t have children, reach out to other people you both love and care for, such as extended family members and close friends. Ask how your marriage is affecting them. It may provide you with useful insight.

 

Seek couples or marriage counseling.

There comes a point in any unhappy marriage where it’s time to speak to a counselor. Even if you have a hard time accepting that something is wrong, it doesn’t hurt to speak to a qualified professional. Together, you can create a step-by-step plan to help strengthen your marriage, improve communication, build listening skills, and even nurture self-love.

By working with Emote, you and your husband will have the chance to attend therapy on your own terms. No need to worry about babysitters or busy work life! With Emote’s online therapy and counseling services, you can work with your schedule rather than against it.

Get Support with Emote 

In a tense or strained marriage, it’s hard to work things out when you barely speak to each other. But with time, patience, and most importantly help, you and your husband can learn how to be happy once more.

 

At Emote, our main priority is you and your mental health. Whether you’d like to schedule an appointment alone or with your significant other, a certified couple or marriage counselor can provide you with the tools and insight to better manage a difficult relationship or intimacy issues.

 

Be it through couples exercises, live video chat, or private text sessions, it’s never too late to get help.

 

With Emote, you are not alone.

 

Sign up today and start your week of couples counseling for only $35. Gain access to affordable subscriptions, versatile scheduling options, and more.