Every marriage has it’s highs and lows, but feeling hated by your wife, or the opposite of love, is never okay.
If you believe your wife hates you, they probably don’t. More likely, they are angry, frustrated, or disappointed by the state of your relationship. Thus, they are lashing out.
This may be due to several reasons: money, neglect, lack of direction, or simple miscommunication.
Whatever the cause may be, these feelings aren’t permanent.
Does My Wife Really Hate Me? The Warning Signs to Know
Changes in your wife’s behavior could be recent or slow-brewing. Perhaps you’ve noticed little things, like a lack of physical affection, or maybe they’ve lashed out in ways they never have before.
Regardless of what has been done or said, problems in a marriage need to be acknowledged. And although this isn’t easy, accepting the truth is half the battle.
When addressing the elephant in the room, here are a few warning signs to look out for.
- She’s not affectionate anymore and avoids physical touch.
Despite common myths about marriage, your life together doesn’t need to be any less affectionate or intimate than it was during the early days. If your wife doesn’t kiss you anymore or disengages from any form of physical contact, something might be going on below the surface.
- She’s grumpy, but only with you.
Whether we mean to or not, we often take out our hurt and frustration on the people we love the most. If your wife has grown passive-aggressive but won’t openly acknowledge how they feel, they might be dealing with ill emotions towards you.
- She’s making decisions by herself that used to be joint decisions.
Trust is part of any healthy relationship. If your wife no longer includes you in decisions, especially major ones such as child-rearing, this is a serious breach of trust and must be called out ASAP.
- She doesn’t smile or laugh anymore.
You may have noticed a drop in your wife’s mood. This may have nothing to do with you, but rather, an indication of their mental health, such as depression or stress. If so, your wife is likely in need of emotional support.
- She has stopped sharing details about her own life with you.
Similar to mental health issues and trust barriers, another major roadblock to acknowledge (and subsequently clear) is communication. How your wife feels is just as important as how you do, but if she’s not sharing her personal life with you, she’s not including you in it.
- She’s constantly distracted or absent.
A lack of presence, whether physical or emotional, might suggest your wife is avoiding you, even in your own home. She may do this by spending her free time alone, working late, spending more time with friends, or going to sleep earlier than usual.
Why Does My Wife Hate Me? The Possible Reasons
When navigating marital conflict, the last thing you want to do is jump to conclusions, like infidelity or that your wife is leaving you. Instead, keep in mind that your wife is a human being like the rest of us: There’s always a reason behind our actions.
Some suggestions include:
- You’re working too much and neglecting her (and the children).
Being lonely isn’t good for anybody. Neglecting close family members, especially your wife or spouse, can lead to low self-esteem and may distort their perspective.
- She’s taking care of the house and kids all by herself.
Building a home and having kids is a partnership. By prioritizing other responsibilities, like work or hobbies, you nurture resentment and loneliness rather than understanding and support.
This also goes for same-sex couples, where responsibilities such as child-rearing often fall more heavily on one partner than the other.
- There are unplanned or hidden expenses.
Relationship problems and finances go hand in hand, with one study stating the issue of money is more pervasive and recurrent than other marital issues. This is understandable but no less stressful for your wife whenever you dip into savings without her knowing.
- You shut off during an argument.
When faced with hostility, it’s normal but ultimately unhelpful to shut down rather than work through the problem. If you do this with your wife, she may feel you are stonewalling them, reinforcing stress, frustration, and even negatively affecting her health.
- You have repetitive arguments.
Married couples often argue about the same topics over and over again. But when these arguments become habitual, unhelpful, and mean-spirited, your wife is inclined to think and feel poorly about you, regardless of how much she loves you.
- You’re not changing the habits that annoy her.
When we agree to live with someone, we agree to put up with them and their habits. However, if your wife has asked you to stop doing something but you keep doing it, her feelings are bound to get hurt. Do this enough times, and even minor past mistakes will rear their head in an argument.
- You’ve lost the spark for life and lost your sense of ambition.
As we grow up, our dreams and ambitions should grow with us, too. Like a lot of people out there, you may have lost your sense of purpose, and the dreams you shared with your wife have fallen short. As a result, she may feel disappointed in what was supposed to be an exciting partnership—but is now a life of missed opportunities and boredom.
How Can I Turn Things Around? The Solutions
When it comes to unhappy marriages, it may feel like there’s no going back to how things were. And in a way, that’s true.
You and your wife are not the same people you were when you first started dating. It’s only natural for some couples to grow in opposite directions—however, given time and patience, that can also change. It can change for the better.
By reevaluating your mindset and making a few adjustments, your marriage may grow in ways you never thought possible.
- Start helping around the house more.
Something as simple as chores can make your wife feel appreciated and loved. By lightening the load on her shoulders, not only are you being a good spouse, you’re contributing to the care of the home you share.
- Be more present with them and the children.
However dedicated you may be to your career or hobbies, spending time with loved ones is never time ill-spent. Take time off work or plan an activity to reconnect with your partner and kids.
- Schedule date nights and become friends again.
The strongest marriages are built on friendship. By going out on dates, you can rediscover who your wife is, what they like, and what they want at this point in their life. Make it a point to get these dates on the calendar and stick to them.
- Actively listen to them and stick through tough conversations.
When was the last time you really listened to your wife? By engaging in serious conversations, you open the door back into each other’s heart and reaffirm the love that’s already there.
- Set new life goals together.
Marriage is full of milestones. Even if you already have a house, kids, and a career, it doesn’t have to end there for you and your wife. Book that vacation she’s always wanted to go on, or start saving up for house renovations—whatever you decide, just do it together! A new life goal doesn’t have to be so hard; start small and work your way up to all the things you wish to do together.
- Discover a new hobby together.
A lot of men and women choose a joint, interactive hobby that can bring them together and help them build their communication skills. Learning a new skill or hobby can be a positive experience when shared. It’s also the perfect excuse to get out of the house. Plus, you’ll never know what you’ll discover about each other along the way.
- Seek couples therapy or marriage counseling.
There is no shame in seeking professional help for your marriage. In fact, 97% of surveyed couples who attended counseling got the help they needed to improve or repair their relationship.
At Emote, we offer the exclusive opportunity to do just that, but with the extra benefit of accessibility.
With online therapy, you don’t have to worry about babysitters or conflicting schedules. You’re free to contact your counselor whenever you want and set up appointments at a moment’s notice. All this and more can be done from the comfort of your living room at a fraction of the cost of traditional therapy.
Rekindle the Spark with Emote
It’s hard to admit when we’re in the wrong, much less express our pain. Just as your spouse is struggling with negative emotions, so are you. And you both deserve to be heard.
Through Emote, a licensed therapist or counselor can virtually moderate and advise you without intruding on your space.
By tackling the big issues, you and your wife can not only repair your relationship but grow stronger through open, unbiased communication.
By attending online couples therapy, neither of you will have to put your busy lives on hold. You can communicate through text or set up live video chat sessions a day or a week in advance.
Whatever you’re struggling with, your counselor is here to help. With Emote, you’re never alone.
Sign up today and start couples therapy for only $35.